When Colson was born on March 1, 2007 and made me a mom for the first time, I could not have been happier! He was the sweetest little baby (besides all the spit up) and was a great sleeper. But I would find myself getting all weepy and emotional every evening when the sun would go down. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I hated having those feelings. Besides, I had the most precious baby in the world, why was I feeling like this? What was wrong with me?
I distinctly remember driving home from my parents house with Joel and Colson one evening when Colson was about a week old. I just started crying and Joel pulled the car over and asked me what was wrong and I just cried all the harder and said exasperatedly, "I don't know!" Those first few weeks I was a mess, but within two months it got better and I truly did love being Colson's mommy. When Vienna came along 20 months later the same thing happened. I was an emotional wreck for the first couple weeks following her birth, but then things started to get easier and I really did love being a mom to two kids once we found our groove.
I have to be honest, this first week with Yohanis has been hard for me. I find myself crying over the smallest things and feeling like I'm a horrible mother. I know it will just take some time and I shouldn't be so discouraged, but I'm a mess right now. I went into this adoption very prepared; I did all the research, read all the books, asked questions to other adoptive parents about what to expect and how Yohanis might feel upon entering our family. But I guess I didn't prepare myself enough for the way that I might feel once Yohanis got home. Don't get me wrong, I love my son very, very much. It has just been a huge adjustment for me and it will take me some time to feel like I've got this being-a-mommy-to-three-kiddos thing down.
Yohanis, on the other hand, is doing amazing! Some days have been better than others, but Joel and I keep saying to each other that we can't believe how well he's doing. He absolutely loves being with us and playing with his brother and sister. He is an incredible little boy and I am so blessed to be his mommy. I love him to pieces! I will write more later with an update on Yohanis, but if you think about it, could you pray for us, well, pretty much just me? My husband would really like his emotionally stable wife back and I would really like to not break down crying in front of my children anymore this week. Thanks :)
Oh, sweetie, I hear ya. It's terribly challenging to take care of others when all you want to do is cry into your bowl of cereal. I'm sorry you are not feeling like yourself. You're not crazy at all! You're just balancing a lot of new right now--A LOT of new--and that takes time. Everyone in adoption land always told me that the first month is just an emotional survival blur...for me it was much longer than a month!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing an amazing job just by getting out of bed and loving on those beautiful children! And it's OK to be honest--it's good for the soul.
Did you hear me?...
You are doing an amazing job!!!
You are in my prayers, my friend.
let me just highlight a few things:
ReplyDelete1. you are away from home.
2. you are staying in other people's homes.
3. you are doing this with THREE kids in tow, no doubt trying to keep things clean & people happy in close quarters.
this would be hard for ANYONE to handle, so don't be too hard on yourself. i'm glad you are recognizing this has happened before & God got you through before so there is no reason to believe He will fail you now. you must hang in there a little while longer. by summmer, you will have it all downpat & it will be hard to remember what life was like before 3. in the meantime, i'm praying :)
phil. 3:6-7
Thank you for sharing this so we know how to pray for you....I will be praying for you , my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a GREAT job, I am positive! Praying that you will get your groove back :)
ReplyDeleteHi Charity,
ReplyDeleteI am a friend of Becky's, and check in on your blog from time to time. When we had our first, Cole, the exact same thing happened to me. It was a week after I had Cole. We were driving to WalMart, and I started crying. Jim sweetly asked me what was wrong, and I told him there was fuzz all over my pants. And there was :-) but it was so much deeper than that, but I couldn't explain it. Know you are not alone. There are many women who have experienced and are experiencing the same thing, I'm sure. I didn't have as many of the same feelings with my second, my daughter. When we returned home from Ethiopia with our babies, I was totally overwhelmed, and I cried my fair share over the last year, rather than the first few weeks :-) It's interesting that you said you were prepared. It's exactly how I felt. I was like, sheesh, I was totally prepared, totally excited, totally ready and then it happened and BAM, I was an emotional wreck.
Will be praying for you, Charity. It does get easier in lots of ways. God's grace is sufficient.
praying for you charity, it is definitely like being on an emotional roller coaster sometimes. it will take time getting used to 3 children, i know when i had my 3rd, it was a lot harder on me than having 2. having 5 now has been quite the adjustment too. its been a long time since we have had 3 year olds in the house, but they are so much fun and bring lots of extra silliness and laughter into the home!
ReplyDeleteits good to hear that Yohanis is doing well, he seems to have a gentle spirit!
we will keep praying for you guys and look forward to hearing more!