On living in Turkey with our Ethiopian

Recently I was asked to share our experience of what it has been like raising Yohanis in Turkey by a woman who is thinking about traveling to Turkey with her husband and their daughter adopted from Ethiopia.

Well, I could probably write a whole book on our experiences in Turkey, but I will try to keep this short. 

First of all, we have not had one bad experience with Yohanis here yet. I mean, I know we’ve only been back to Turkey for about two months now, but it’s been really good so far. I really don't think racism is as prevalent here as it is in the US.

Before you travel to Turkey (or anywhere, for that matter) you really do need to understand the culture or some people’s behavior will come off as offensive. Turks are VERY open, curious and friendly people. And they really do love kids. When we first visited Turkey, Colson was about 18 months old and I was pregnant with Vienna. We would be sitting in a restaurant and the waiters would just come and pick up Colson and take him. I would watch them like a hawk and have a mild heart attack when they disappeared around the corner only to come back a few minutes later with a small crowd all oohing and aahing over the baby. Yes, even grown men ooh and aah over babies in Turkey.  People ALWAYS want to touch, hug and kiss children (or give them lots of candy, you have to watch out for that one – they never ask your permission first - and it's totally okay to take candy from strangers here).That's how Turks show love - by touching. The verb to love in Turkish is sevmek, but it also has several other meanings: to enjoy, care, to pet, fondle, caress. If Turks love someone, they want to touch them.

We have been asked all sorts of questions about our family, but that is just part of the culture here. Turks ask a lot of questions. It seems like no question is off limits. It’s okay to ask someone how much their rent is or how much they make in a month – it’s just the way it is. We were shocked the first time we were asked how much we make.

Turkey is also a hot-climate culture. What I mean by that is that Turks are more relationship-oriented whereas in America people are more time-oriented. In Turkey, people make LOTS of time for other people. No one is in a rush, there is always time to sit and chat. People on the street will just come up to you and strike up a conversation.

People in our city have been extremely friendly and kind to us. Yes, we’ve had questions about Yohanis, but nothing crazy. We do get a lot of attention, but it was like that even before we adopted Yohanis. People are generally very curious about foreigners and I felt like every time we went out as a family (even before Yohanis came home) we were like a walking circus act. I don’t always like the attention and sometimes I’d just rather stay home, but we’ve gotten more used to it and the kids have too. Most people in our neighborhood know us by now, so it's not as bad as it was in the beginning.

People always want to touch Vienna, Colson and Yohanis. Vienna and Colson do not like it and will scream “NO!” Then the person always wonders why they are screaming (like hello? Do you like being touched by strange people?) and I just explain that they don’t like to be touched, which is so strange for Turks to hear. But they will respect that (except some of the older ladies – they can be pretty over-bearing and sometimes I have to be aggressive). Yohanis, on the other hand, doesn’t mind the attention. He is a very friendly child and he loves to say hi to everyone and shake hands or give high fives. It is just his personality though. He is also older, so he doesn’t have as many people trying to hug or kiss him. Vienna has to deal with that the most - Turks mostly go for the babies :) 

More recently Yohanis has gotten a lot of attention from teenage girls. They ask if they can give him a kiss (on the cheek), then Yohanis asks me what they are saying since he doesn't understand Turkish yet, so I tell him and he usually looks a little embarrassed. I reassure him he doesn't have to let anybody kiss him (although people always give kisses on the cheeks here - even men) and he's fine. He did get upset one time when an older man walking by us on the sidewalk randomly pinched his cheek and kept walking. Yohanis was NOT happy about that, but that's the only time he's been upset that someone touched him. Basically, Turks just don't understand personal space.

Also, adoption is pretty much unheard of in Turkey. Sometimes people will ask if my kids are brothers and sister and I say yes, and they say, “Oh but they don’t look anything alike.” They would NEVER think that Yohanis was adopted. I don’t know what they assume, probably that my husband is black (if Joel’s not with me). If he is, maybe they think that I was cheating on my husband and Yohanis is a result of my infidelity?! I don't know, but never once has someone assumed that he is adopted. So it depends on my mood and the person I’m talking to. Sometimes I will explain how we adopted him from Ethiopia and a lot of times people will tell me that’s a really big sevab (meaning a good thing that will make it easier for me to get into Heaven – ha!). But I do like being able to share about adoption and challenge the way people think about family.

I just try to be understanding of the culture and the way things work here and give people grace. Sometimes I do feel like people's questions are rude, but mostly it is because of where I was raised. I need to get out of my American box and learn the way of life here and then I find I'm not offended as easily. I'm thankful that everyone here has welcomed our family with open arms even though we don't look like the "typical" family here. I mean we're going on 4 kids, for goodness sakes! No one in the city has more than 2. I've been told more than once that we should NOT have any more kids. Sometimes people say the craziest things like that, and you have to smile and keep walking :)

Anyway, I'm so thankful that Yohanis is thriving here. He is picking up Turkish so quickly and making friends with everyone at the park. He is the sweetest little boy that is quick to say hi and offer a smile to everyone he sees. I love my son!

Today was a holiday in Turkey so it was nice to have Joel at home for a day during the week. We thought we'd have a fun, lazy day together as a family, but as we soon found out after moving here: things never go as planned.

Most of us slept in till 9:00, which was wonderful! We were with some friends last night and the kids got to bed really late, but the benefit of that is then they also wake up late.

Yohanis was the last one up. Here he is at 10:00AM . . . still sound asleep!

We made french toast for breakfast.

And Yohanis finally decided to join the land of the living :)

We played some memory. This is the kids' favorite game and they are GOOD at it! Seriously, they can whoop my behind in memory. Sometimes they feel bad for me and help me get matches.

Kids all dressed and ready for the day (at 10:30 - ha!). This was Colson post-meltdown. He was still recovering from the traumatic experience of having the remnants of breakfast wiped off his face. Poor child.

 

At 10:45 our friend stopped by and it was then we were informed we were all going on a picnic together with our two families, Adam and Melanie's family and their good friends and that we were leaving in a half hour. Nothing like last minute plans, but we've come to expect that here and I'm ever-so-slowly getting used to it. But trying to get ready for something with our friends is nearly impossible because you never know where you'll be going, who all will be there, what time you'll be coming home, etc. Life is always an adventure here and we must be prepared for anything :)

We quickly got ready and all hopped into our friend's mini bus and off we went.

Yohanis was excited about riding in the bus. We don't have a car anymore so whenever we get to ride in one the kids think it's the greatest thing ever!

The kids had fun playing with buckets and shovels at the creek by our picnic spot

Yohanis and Vienna making "soup"

Getting ready to cook the chicken

Playing some soccer while waiting for lunch.

Colson and Yohanis helping with the chicken

Mmmm!

Right as we were about to eat lunch (which wasn't until 3!) it started raining. We ended up eating in the mini bus. Good times! Even though it was raining pretty hard at this point, the guys were determined to make tea before we left. Turks take their tea pretty seriously. It's like the party's not over until they've had their tea.

By this time I was tired and ready to go home and take a nap, but alas, we hadn't eaten the watermelon we brought along so somehow it was decided that everyone was coming to our house to eat it. This is the craziness that was our living room. And this isn't even all the kids pictured - we have nine all together.

Joel made everyone some delicious coffee. Turks are usually tea-drinkers, but our friends love Joel's coffee. Fancy, huh?

I took a picture of all our shoes. I like it.

Adam and Melanie and their friends left around 5:30, but our friends stayed and ate dinner with us. I was tired and had no idea what we were going to eat. But my friend went home and brought back some leftovers and I got out mine and together we had enough, actually we still have some left over. I love our friends and the way they share everything. I have learned so much from our Turkish friends!

Life in Turkey is not easy. There are language barriers, cultural barriers, just so many things we are learning. It's hard and we are humbled every.day. We could have come here and made life easy for ourselves. We could have come here and befriended other foreigners (there are lots here) and got by without learning Turkish and that would have been easy. It's easy to be friends with someone who looks like you, talks like you, thinks like you, acts like you. But that's not what God told us to do and so we choose to have limited contact with other foreigners besides Adam and Melanie and spend the majority of our time with Turks. 

And God has brought some amazing friends into our lives. I mean, we KNOW that it was God, because, seriously, who would want to be friends with us? We are SO different than everyone here, we are hard to understand, our way of life is completely different, but yet they still want to be our friends. They have chosen to share their lives with us and we have chosen to share our lives with them. They have seen us at our best and at our worst. It's very humbling actually, and so I pray all the time that somehow they will see Jesus through our lives, because we certainly do make a whole lot of mistakes. 

We are trying very hard to learn this language and culture and build deep, meaningful relationships with people here. When God first told us to come here, what he spoke to us was to dig our roots deep. So we have planted ourselves here and spent lots of time building relationships. And really, it's all about relationships. Relationship with God and with each other. I am continually being reminded that those are the things that matter.

What we've been up to lately

Wow, where has the week gone? It has been a busy one, that's for sure. Over the weekend Joel went with our best friends back to their village for a wedding. He was gone Saturday night until Sunday night and came back with some great pictures. Village life is so completely different than city life, it's like stepping back in time! To read more about our trip to the village last fall click here.

My sister's family came and slept over at our place to keep me company while Joel was gone. I love that we sleep over at each others houses so often. I love my sister! She seriously is the best. I'm so glad that God brought our families here together. God is so good like that!

Melanie celebrated her 30th birthday this week! And guess what she did on her birthday? She made dinner for all of us. Yeah, she's pretty selfless like that. If I wouldn't have told you would you be able to guess who is older? Most Turks think I'm the older sister which is quite the compliment for Melanie since I'm five years younger than her.

Our kids have so much fun playing together. Here's a picture of our kiddos except Joanna who wasn't feeling well.

In the beginning of the week the weather was really nice (it had been rather cold and rainy here lately) so Joel took the boys out to the park to learn how to ride bike without training wheels. Colson didn't like it so much after he fell once, but Yohanis was pretty determined and almost got it. My boys are getting so big!

Joel also taught Yohanis how to shave. He thought it was great! Joel "shaved" Yohanis using the back edge of the toothpaste container. It's so cute that the boys want to be just like their Daddy!

The other day I overheard Colson telling Yohanis "Brothers need to hug!" Melts my heart to see these two getting along so well lately.

These next few pictures just crack.me.up! We have a bunch of these exercise parks near our apartment that the kids think are just the greatest things ever! I don't even know what half the machines are supposed to do, but it sure is funny watching my kids try them all out. Yohanis takes it pretty seriously too. 

Vienna is pushing Yohanis on it like a swing. Definitely not the right technique. Haha, I love my kids!

Then began the sickness in our house. On Wednesday I was throwing up all afternoon and evening, then it was Joel's turn in the middle of the night and Colson's turn the next day. Sooo not fun! I'm so thankful for my sister who made meals for us and helped watched some of the kids while Joel and I were recovering, we were pretty useless. Our good friends also took good care of us and kept checking in on us (even when we would have rather just been alone puking our guts out - Turks don't think it's good to be alone when you're sick). And they brought us some things they said would settle our stomachs - apparently dried chickpeas are supposed to do the trick here. We were pretty miserable, but the worst is over, just a 24 hour stomach bug. Now I'm just praying Yohanis and Vienna are spared!


Hope you all are healthy and have a great weekend!

And then there were six!

We are happy to announce that Baby #4 will be making its debut sometime around the end of November! We couldn't be more excited!

I have been feeling really good besides being hungry all.the.time. and really exhausted. But I haven't had any morning sickness this time around which I am SO thankful for. 

The kids are really excited. Vienna loves to tell people that she's going to be a big sister. 

And Colson and Yohanis were happy to give me their ideas for baby names. Colson's suggestions were "Baby Jesus" and "Christmas" and Yohanis' suggestion was "pancakes!" Lovely.

The kids are so cute though, they love to come up and kiss my belly. They keep asking me when the baby is coming and get frustrated when I tell them it will be a long time yet. They all want the baby to come NOW!

Joel has been an amazing husband and Daddy. Not like he isn't always, but he's been taking such good care of me and did so much work to get our apartment ready and us all moved in. I barely had to lift a finger. He's the best! 


I love my family and can't wait to meet our newest member! Bring on November!!