This week we found out that K will not be joining our family. To say that we are hurting would be an understatement. Our hearts feel like they have been broken in two.
K's birthmother came forward and now wants to parent him. Although we have to hope this is what is best for K, that doesn't stop the pain that we are feeling. I don't know quite how to put all of it into words or to sort through all these emotions.
Even though we had never met K, he was still a part of our family. We talked about him everyday, prayed for him everyday, looked at his picture 100 times a day, dreamed about our life together. He was already ours in our hearts. And now to find out that he will not be our son, well, I just don't know how else to put it other than that we are truly broken-hearted.
I can't seem to stop the tears, my arms ache for my K that I will never hold. I have never experienced a pain this real, a hurt so deep.
I can't seem to stop the tears, my arms ache for my K that I will never hold. I have never experienced a pain this real, a hurt so deep.
Please understand, we are very happy that K's mother has decided to parent him. He will be re-united with his family; it really is good news! But that just doesn't stop the hurt we feel. We would really appreciate your prayers as we struggle through this hard time. Pray for God to heal our hearts.
Thank you so much.
Jennifer, I am so very sorry for the loss of K in your life. I cannot imagine how much it must hurt and we almost lost the girls to another family. There is a blog I follow. It is by a couple who just completed their second adoption from Ethiopia. The Bottomlys. During this last adoption they lost three referrals for baby girls in a row. I do not know them personally but their e-mail address is: amyde63@hotmail.com. Their names are Josh and Amy and they have a big heart for Ethiopia and adoption and they have been in your shoes. I will be praying for you guys!
ReplyDeleteI forgot to leave their blog address: http://bottomlysandethiopia.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for this loss. Although I can't emphathize, I can say that I will be praying for you. I will pray you find the support you need to get through this. And I will pray for the child God chooses to join your family. Blessings my friend.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your pain. We have not lost a referral, but I know how deeply you love and connect to a child after a referral. Your heart is fully open to them and the love is very real. And your pain and hurt as well are totally legitimate and real and raw. This is not an easy road. -hurting for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Charity, I am just so sorry for you. Like Heidi said, I know how much your heart opens to a child after referral...and am just so incredibly sorry for your loss. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteJoel & Charity...
ReplyDeleteWe are so sorry for your loss. :( We didn't lose a referral, but we thought we were going to....it was absolutely devastating. We will be praying for you during this difficult time.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed" Psalm 34:18
Matt & Jen J.
Oh my gosh, Charity. I am so sorry. Although we have not lost referrals, I can empathize somewhat as I already feel part of my heart is aching for our child/ren in Ethiopia. I cannot imagine the depth of your loss, though. You are in my prayers tonight. May you feel God's arms holding you tight. He, too, knows how it feels to lose a Son...
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome that you were able to open up so much, become so attached, love so much. That kind of love is a gift from God. Although the knowledge that God had a plan for my family never made the hurt any more bearable, in my experiences with fostering and adoption, the most painful experiences have proven to be the most important in helping me understand who God is and how He loves us. Our Father has a plan for you and I can't wait to see it unfold on your blog.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you, Charity. -Stacey
I am so sorry! We had this happen to us with our last adoption. We were about 2 weeks away from travel when our little man's birthparents decided to parent him. We were so heartbroken! Please take the time to grieve, because it is a very emotional position to be in. I have a beautiful little boy snuggling beside me, but I still think and pray about the little one we thought we would parent. Please feel free to email me if you would like to chat.
ReplyDeleteCharity, I'm crying in Missouri for you. I can not imagine what you are feeling right now. I fell so deeply in love with my boys just days after our referral...I can't imagine having lost them.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for yours, I'm praying you and K will both feel our Father's arms around you.
Ashley
Oh I am so so sorry to read this. You've "known" K for so long now. I can't relate exactly but we did "lose" a child we chose from a waiting child list last summer. We knew of her for a month and had her photo on our fridge. We prayed for her daily and were lead to believe that she would be ours. After a month things did not work out and it took me many many months to recover. I know how it feels to pour your heart into a child you believe will be yours. All I can say is that when a child finally joins your family the journey will have been worth it. Trite words for a very hard time though. I am sorry.
ReplyDeleteI love you my precious ones. Praying your heart will be healed by our heavenly fathers' love and that you will be able to move on and totally fall in love with the next little one. The mamma
ReplyDeleteCharity and Joel...I am just reading your update now and I don't even know the words to say. Loss is loss--grief is grief--sorrow is sorrow, no matter the details of the situation. We adoptive parents first connect to our children through photos and faith and beautiful mystery--it is a spiritual connection that is impossible to explain. God mourns with you, as do I. Wishing I was closer to hug you both now.
ReplyDeleteplease email anytime if you just need to cry or talk or scream or vent or laugh or... julie@robertswitmer.com
xo, Julie
I am writing to ask for your permission to include your posts on
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directory. We would
include a link back to your blog fully crediting you for your work
along with a profile about you listed on AdoptionExperiences.com .
Please let us
know as soon as possible.
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Mike Thomas
Editor-in-Chief
AdoptionExperiences.com
Charity,
ReplyDeleteYou have been a cheerleader for so many of us. And now, I do not have the words to lift you up. You did not merely lose your referral, you lost the little boy you thought would be your son. I mourn with you and hope the love of your two beautiful children lifts you up during this sorrowful period.
Rachael
besafish.blogspot.com
It is so very hard - there were 2 little girls that we thought were meant to be ours, but due to some snafus along the way - they weren't and it was devestating. Our kids were devestated we were so upset. Eventually you move through it - give yourself permission to be upset and grieve, give yourself permission to cry and then when the time is right give yourself permission to move forward again - in everything that you do right now have alot of grace for each other.
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